WOLVES (FAST-FORWARD #22)

I was raised by a pack of wolves. Not in a way described in the legendary account of Romulus and Remus or the fictional story of Mowgli, but in the symbolic sense of Will Honeycutt. The guys in Core have modeled and taught me many aspects of life that I was lacking. Yes, we have grown up together over the last four decades, mutually learning from one another - from gathered wisdom, satisfying achievements and crushing defeats. However, my early years of connection with our small group, especially, were from a place of deficit.

I have no recollection of my biological father. He preferred that my mom terminate her pregnancy but she declined his recommendation. They separated before I was one year old and his visits were sporadic in the ensuing years. Communication ceased completely when my mom remarried after my seventh birthday. My step-dad had his own set of shortcomings and demons which prohibited him from providing me with some of the necessary fundamentals for a flourishing life.

In middle school I began to recognize some of the gaping holes in my abilities and identity. I sought out a few inspiring men in my teen years to begin to make up for the disparity of who I was and who I could be. I am incredibly grateful for the steady pursuit and example of these mentors in some of my most formative years.

In college, from our first months together until this current day, the guys in Core have demonstrated to me and coached me in many areas: communication skills, core values, character traits, ethical principles, critical thinking and decision making, emotional intelligence, relational acumen, spiritual life and abiding love. Our friendship has done a pretty good job of smoothing my ragged edges and filling in the cracks.

I am not advocating being trained largely by peers in their late teens and early twenties. Yet, my particular story benefitted from having them in life - learning to be a man, learning to be a husband, and learning to be a father.

It takes some degree of curiosity, self-awareness and humility to recognize the areas in your life that are lacking. Once seen and admitted, the next difficult question is, “How do I address those deficits?” There is no perfect father. Even the best dads miss giving their kids everything that they need. But deepening, long-term friendships can supplement some of our incompleteness.

My father issues and daddy wounds still show themselves but their voice and influence have been quieted over the years. I still display some feral traits but many have been tapered, if not eliminated altogether. We can spend a lifetime being a better version of ourselves. The folks you choose to be around, let into your life and stick with for an extended period of time are the ones who can keep you on the path of growth, health and depth.